Perched on the curbside in Evansville Heels to my sneakers rubbed down to the asphalt Wait for my bus to arrive as I watch it descend down the hill Passing the Boxelder maples I see a blinking turn signal Wave to the driver, a chill rushes over my skin And the hairs on my arms are alarmed I am dreaming of a crisp incantation to summon the Blackeyed Susans Surrounding the street sign that’s old and decrepit for Five Dollar Road A newspaper flies past me A singular thought comes across and I wanna go home Turn the lights out with a record On the suitcase turntable that sits On the chest by my bed and it’s broken From last Christmas when you had thrown it against my wall again When you threw it against my wall Against my wall again

I hope that you can take me apart, apart, apart, apart When it was that we last met, I had a different haircut I had a different haircut It was long, now it’s not We rode our bikes through the forest at night with the lightning bugs At night with the lightning bugs You were scared, we were lost You saw me fight with my brother until we made each other cry Until we made each other cry It was sad, we’re both grown But you gave me this mug with the rainbow stripes It keeps my drinks warm when the ground outside is sleet You still gave me this mug with the rainbow stripes It keeps my drinks warm when the ground outside is sleet I’ll bet you wish I were dead or at least that I were never born At least that I were never born And if so, then it’s tough To try and patch up a garden that might be an ash heap now That might be rubble on the ground In the shell of a nut But you gave me this mug with the rainbow stripes It keeps my drinks warm when the ground outside is sleet You still gave me this mug with the rainbow stripes It keeps my drinks warm when the ground outside is sleet I’ll likely be the one bitin’ at the bit Stormin’ out and calling quits so enjoy Watchin’ as I ache Witness as it thins away, rinsed week old tray of paint I hope that you can take me apart, apart, apart, apart I know that you can take me apart, apart, apart, apart

I want you to show me what I am instead of who you think that is I want you to show me what I am instead of who you think that is Now look out the window The ice has froze in spots that you can’t chip off You think of the staircase The steel one near the Davis CTA stop And hope all the people in transit watch their steps getting on and off The train but you mostly just focus on the disaster if someone falls I’ve been glancin’ at the sack of NaCl by the orange vest man I’ve been glancin’ at the sack of NaCl by the orange vest The big bag of road salt, the cure to frost, the solve to the hidden ice I grab one big handful with my gloves on and toss to my left and right And nobody thanks me They’re just confused like thanks no one asked for this But they didn’t have to For me to jump to action and take the risk Because you’re after all the best I’ve ever had And the worst of all the times when looking back It makes it that much more pathetic to admit That I would gladly trade it all in for a tip On how to rearrange my space so that it fits All of this salt I throw upon the quilted steps I’ve been glancin’ at the sack of NaCl by the orange vest man (breath) I’ve been glancin’ at the sack of NaCl by the orange vest man

Bandaid on his chin when biking fast, roll over a speedbump, didn’t see a sign up Wing tips synced and flapping, birds in an updraft Image of an arrowhead in the clouds What could be the bullseye they’re aimed at? Thinks the kid before he misses his warning That his time is running out There’s a kettle on the stove that’s shrill and whistling in the, whistling in the house Antiseptic on the face, quick fizzes stings, infection risk has gone away Later looking at this place in life as tricky, such an ordinary place Yet so fragile and so prone to cuts and bruises that are sure to wash away In the grander scheme but now seem end of days When the day breaks Only catch that part of memory That you can without much digging Barely skim it off the surface When the day breaks Only catch that part of memory That you can without much digging Barely skim it off the surface Rattle of the aspirin in his bag Riding under rays of blaring sunlight On his neck is pressed the tag That he’s well aware is flapped outside his shirt And so his arm goes back to grab And pluck the fabric when he rolls right past a stop sign Where a Honda has to veer out of the way So that it leaves him safe, unscathed And still in tact but on the steering wheels a bag Where every inch is taught before it starts deflating Smothered face in broken mirror New Fjallraven hits the pavement, orange pills scatter Sees a neighbor leave her house Call an ambulance and down the street rings sirens Yellow tape is spread around Leaning person open mouth beneath a sheet raised on a gurnee Not a pound inside his chest Scissors probably would’ve been the better option But he chose to use his hand Thinking hard about his day and what made him deserve it When the day breaks Only catch that part of memory That you can without much digging Barely skim it off the surface When the day breaks Only catch that part of memory That you can without much digging Barely skim it off the surface And it’s past six when the sun sets When at night time comes the rush Of a darkness, no one’s with him He’s the last kid on the bus Back to school now, Fall is coming All the sudden there’s no moon It is raining with no windchill Flick of cold drops, day is ruined There are cop cars with their lights off Catatonic, standing there Mouth is open, he’s ignoring awful weather Socks and shoes, they are soaked now On the drenched grass In his ears an endless ring Not a frown, no sign of anger Not a sign of anything When the day breaks Only catch that part of memory That you can without much digging Barely skim it off the surface When the day breaks Only catch that part of memory That you can without much digging Barely scrape it off the surface

Well I’ve been fine for the most part But now I’m bloated and I’m scrollin’ through my phone That I would cry, I knew the whole time But I could not predict the four whole scones That I’d consume in seven minutes Without enjoying them I almost choked And then of course came the Haribo Bears that expired several months ago So don’t expect me to be friendly ‘Cuz nowadays I keep my shoes on when I sleep So don’t expect me to be friendly With sneakers double tied when I don’t make a peep And now I’ve more than overeaten My gut is heavy like a stack of led But it’s okay my man, they tell me Because tomorrow you can start again But shit I know that ship has sailed And now there’s nothing much that I can do I can’t uneat the mashed potatoes I bought discounted at the Deli So don’t expect me to be friendly ‘Cuz nowadays I keep my shoes on when I sleep So don’t expect me to friendly ‘Cuz nowadays I keep my shoes on when I sleep And if I saw into the future and I was up, dressed and out of bed Then I’d pick up my phone and I’d charge it ‘Cuz it would be at one percent Then when it juiced back up I’d get on my bike and I’d plug your location in Then I’d ride East, I’d ride down Lake Street So fast that I might get clipped By a Toyota or BMW, and then I’d cash out on a settlement But I’d keep ridin’ and no I wouldn’t stop Not a second until I reached My favorite coffee shop on the way to you house But not at your house So don’t expect me to be friendly ‘Cuz nowadays I keep my shoes on when I sleep Just don’t expect me to be friendly ‘Cuz nowadays I keep my shoes on

I’ve been wakin’ up undressed Blinds shine white and dark My navel lint picked out and tossed on carpet Western Conifer bugs death pine scent Ring Sam or Dad, lie, I’m alright Cast blame on gloom and rain at night It’s always worse, says Sam whose tired I hang up angry curse the Mic I used to send my voice to Sam Who’s useless when it comes to Validating temper tantrums Complicated friend dynamics One tree rope to one tree, hammock Swing beneath the swaying branches How long qualifies as napping Cramped and glued and angry crabby Told her yesterday was fantastic Approximate my height and size Get down Nebraska By tearing at the plaster on the wall By clawing at the last layer flaking off Imagine all the damage that’s been dealt By trying to scratch your lower back with a belt Defeathering the limp goose wing to wing Identify a tragic wrinkled thing The oven’s off, you’ve got no plans to cook You cast it over to the babbling brook And grip the fence and bite your inner cheek You swear you see a glimmer in her beak Like somethin’ that you did made so much sense She leaves a trail of red while drifting West I’ve been told before it’ll be okay and it’s not People often say it’ll heal itself but the cut’s Open as a door to a hospital, carry on Slipping in the wake, make a happy face In the plot of land you stand on In the plot of land you stand on Makeshift shelter frantic animatronic Unusual face, expression, I’m on it Then you look, I’m spaced out, animal yawning Then you turn away, plant face into palm Across the brook, you squint, a flat hand above your eye Some fowl sight, bloodshed, sigh, it’s a part of life Row boat to body, bag up a fleshy mess Who did this, God, who did this God who did this? God who did this? God who did this?

Now that breakfast is over between us Would you care to join me for a walk It can just be a circle ‘round Elmwood and There can be as much talk as you want Really it’s up to you the topics we stumble by Men in your past or the one walking on the path Next to you listening and yes I’ll be listening Intently to words on whatever you want It’s your life, you can live it in selfish amusement Without making eye contact and interrupting My time is all given to you, I don’t care I don’t expect questions on what I’ve been doing Time is constructed, we’re wasting away Yeah that’s fine and I get that but one of these days It will be clear that others exist When your loved ones say Your compaints stop making sense Time is constructed, we’re wasting away Yeah that’s great and I get that but one of these days It will be clear that others exist When your loved ones say your complaints Stop making sense Now our feet hurt and we’ve done six laps Our food is digested, at this point I laugh and say What do you think you’ll do with your life Do you think you’ll produce lots of art with a price tag You dodge the questions and throw it back at me I get all flustered, lose grip of my thoughts And what comes out is simply. I wanna be happy And right after hearing this, you’re quick to mock I wanna be happy, you say back to me, With your hurtful but spot on and honestly All around great imitation of me I take it as nothing more than you projecting You say, it’s not that, that I have no original thought And the tone that I speak with is grating Now we’re both on butts in the grass And I think of the green stains rubbed on my kneecaps We’re sitting cross-legged Like when we were kids Criss Cross Applesauce was a moment, A bit of our lives And we’ve known one another for years We’ve both grown together, developed identities, fears Understood what we like and we hate We’ve built up our preferences, talents And gone on more dates Than I’m comfortable tallying up now If I did then I’d be here for, dammit, I don’t know how long You need time and I can’t disagree It’s nobody's fault, now let’s hug and agree not to speak Anymore since for me it is tough To say bye to someone and then still keep in touch Even though at one point in the past we were close Like so close that it hurt but now that’s up in smoke Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, plumes of pure billowing Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, plumes of pure billowing Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, plumes of pure billowing Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, plumes of pure billowing smoke

Near a sidestreet where I live lays the teeth And the upside down remains Of a typically waterbound creature Taken out of it’s natural habitat On the count of three I say, Turn around from the passenger seat and look You’ll be faced with a waterbound creature That’s escaped from it’s natural birthihng place It doesn’t matter to me, it’ll all be fine It doesn’t much matter to me, it’ll all be In my head tumbling around When the weight drops crashing down like waves Is the pale unidentified glowing When it all starts acting up for laughs But it doesn’t matter to me It should all be okay It still doesn’t matter to me It’ll just be alright In a life there are countless ways To suss out what one’s special place it Quote unquote, just learned what that means Carrying nerves, lift and crouch with my knees To the fragile of mind and the random To the loss of a sense in the sand I will fight hard for a chain of reactions That allow for the shell to crack apart And if in doin’ so I’m labeled a newcomer Then a delight it will be to witness their minds change If in a mountain of a day I see the clouds cover I know despite them I’ll continue climbin’ anyways I’ll weigh myself down To ensure that the pile is dealt with I’ll move slower than normal So the otter’s no longer and eyesore The time it takes for maintenance Just after a sudden loss Amounts to several evening Before there’s a hint of response Speed bumps that once beat A steady pulse I didn’t know him We weren’t friends It’s not like we were that close We’re evolving like he knew me When the truth is we weren’t close